The Personal Touch

I read an article today called “How to Connect With An Aging Parent” by David Maxfield.

As I was reading the article, the things that this article talks about applies to connecting with ANYBODY.

The article is set up like an advice column. A reader wrote in to say that when her husband talks to his mother about current events, that his mother seems to get very categorical. Mr. Maxfield suggests that the husband change the topic of conversation and make it more personal when he talks to his mother.

Mr. Maxfield suggested some ways to make the conversation more “personal.”

Inclusivity. Mr. Maxfield suggested that the husband call his mother every day, so that she feels more included in his life.

When I was chairing committee meetings at Combined Insurance and I was telling something to the committee, I would make sure that I made eye contact (briefly) with each and every person. I wanted to make sure that they felt included. If I’m at a networking event and I’m talking to two people, I make sure that I shift eye contact from one person to the next and back to the other person, etc. and not focus my attention entirely on one person. The other person who I’m not making eye contact with is going to feel excluded.  

At Combined Insurance, when an employee dropped into the HR office, I’d drop what I was doing, got up from my seat, go over and talk to the employee and make eye contact. There’s nothing worse to have to talk to someone when they’re busily engaged doing something else. You feel ignored. I focused my attention on the employee with the intention of making that person feel that they were the most important person in the world in that moment.   

   

Shift the spotlight to the other person. Mr. Maxfield suggested that the husband ask his mother questions that gets her to talk about herself, and this shows the husband’s interest in his mother. 

At a networking event you introduce yourself to different people. I’m always conscious about not wanting to talk about myself for too long. Once I sense that I’ve talked about myself for long enough, I switch the focus and ask about the other person.  You need to give and take in any situation. In a networking situation, you are “giving” by showing an interest in the other person by asking questions and listening to what they say. You are “taking” by talking about yourself and asking them to focus their attention on you.  

Shared experience.  Mr. Maxfield suggests that the husband find a TV show that both he and his mother enjoy. Watching the same show creates an experience that they can talk about later and they can re-live the joy.       

     

A networking experience where you meet face-to-face is the best. For example, I checked-in recently with a LinkedIn connection who I hadn’t “talked to” in awhile. I sent her a short note and attached one of my posts. She said that she remembers when we met at a networking event. After the event we discovered we were going in the same direction on the subway and so we shared a subway ride and had a nice, long talk! We had a few minutes to talk at the networking event, but the subway ride was memorable, because it was an opportunity to have a more in-depth talk. 

One time I attended a virtual networking event. After the event I connected with two people on LinkedIn. Since then I’ve swapped a few messages with one of these people, but a virtual networking event isn’t quite as memorable.

There are so many ways to make someone feel special. 

You can make eye contact when you’re talking with someone.

You can ask someone questions and show your interest in them.

You can create a “special” moment by taking the time to have a face-to-face conversation with someone and recounting the experience with them at a later time.     

The headline “How to Connect With An Aging Parent” intrigued me.

I expected to learn a secret about connecting with people.  

But instead they talk about things that I do all along.

It’s all about doing things that make people feel special.

And giving each person you meet --

The Personal Touch.

Also Published on LinkedIn on: March 20, 2017

Image Credit:  Pixabay